i wish i never met you

it took months to figure you out

beyond the rain and after the drought

 

I felt my pocket empty

in it when I reached

nothing but remains of your cliches

 

always took what you could

things I could not replace

you inhaled my space

drank my health

sank your teeth

sucked my wealth

 

these days i stumble upon you

by memory

i fight back

resisting charm

slow fast heartbeats

and i turn around

 

draw strings

night is when i relax

when i think up all of the good thoughts

relentlessly, and unabashedly

it is at night

when i am able to be real

when i am able to use unsavory wording

when i am able to show a risque photo of me

only to

delete it all by morning

screaming

frustration

clawing

forgetting

sweating

unsure

misused & abused

loitering in ones’ own conscience

 

biting irony

sex is always on the table

when you’re making pretty sense

lay back down

calm

warmth

dread

 

dream deeply now

what is appropriate

what is appropriate to write

on a blog

that you feel obliged

to write appropriately

such as

properly structured poetry and poise

 

I just want to say

that I am unbalanced

and that

I  don’t feel like getting  my hands dirty right now

with making art

so instead I make my mind dirty

writing the visceral moments from which tainted thoughts protrude rudely

Eroding from the ground up.

Quintessential

barbed wires intertwine around my ankle

 

I try to pull away and such but

fruitlessness is evident

 

It seems as though I am caught

in this frightening trap

 

Time is the only friend I have left

that will tell me when it ends

 

Only then relief will kiss my feet

only then rest and slumber deep