I miss you all so much but I’m also glad you’re gone

I am still here

Many many years are on top of this chest

Since I first laid down on this side of the bed

Once again existing at 3 am

So sober as the ghost train echos

Hearing the haunting cries of steel shaking

Breaking up the cold air and deadened night

From this warm safe room

It tastes like hopelessness

And a sly sense of humour

There is no owl in the window this time

Only the same memories with new injuries

Tragedy has come and gone and

I am still here

Pure

pure

Unadulterated panic

Born of my Brain and my

Body

I have been asleep for days

And also blindingly awake

I’ve been stuck in a mayhem of reality

And fiction

The fiction is what I want life to be

Reality is eating me from the outside in and back

Again

But when i need to awaken from this numb slumber of human denial

Pain isn’t obvious

I ferociously stand at the foot of my bed,

The frame of the doorway,

The pantry in the dark,

And pace in the quiet gloom of first world terror midst an entire worlds’ nightmare

I need to be pinched so I pour a drink

Sanity is more performing than ever

i wish i never met you

it took months to figure you out

beyond the rain and after the drought

 

I felt my pocket empty

in it when I reached

nothing but remains of your cliches

 

always took what you could

things I could not replace

you inhaled my space

drank my health

sank your teeth

sucked my wealth

 

these days i stumble upon you

by memory

i fight back

resisting charm

slow fast heartbeats

and i turn around

 

Fear is the Strength and Strength is Abandon

 

A gang of evergreens sway unbothered in increasing wind

He crouches between them

 

Pressing darkness overhead races to meet the thunder

Casting air into lungs – he erects from dirt

 

The seduction of submission gnaws on his heels

He brazens into open field

 

Closing in are the bleating calls of scathing violence

Nothing but red rain on the horizon

 

Water falls – an unrelenting beating of the Earth

Afraid – yet past indignities ignite the war-lust within him

A Certain Kind of Torture

I am awash, with violent thoughts;

cannot control my ponder.

Remain asleep, each painful breath,

awake –

I am no longer.

Passing time, ticks away,

beneath my heaving chest.

Puncture all my future beats,

heart –

slowly stabbed to death.

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