Pure

pure

Unadulterated panic

Born of my Brain and my

Body

I have been asleep for days

And also blindingly awake

I’ve been stuck in a mayhem of reality

And fiction

The fiction is what I want life to be

Reality is eating me from the outside in and back

Again

But when i need to awaken from this numb slumber of human denial

Pain isn’t obvious

I ferociously stand at the foot of my bed,

The frame of the doorway,

The pantry in the dark,

And pace in the quiet gloom of first world terror midst an entire worlds’ nightmare

I need to be pinched so I pour a drink

Sanity is more performing than ever

sweet-head

 

magic laugh

inflammatory thoughts speeding through the

frontal

cortex

wet and heavy

lips protrude and tingle

eyes flit, palpitating,

gasping heart

it hurts.

this beauty is not mundane, daily life

his lashes are dizzy

whap oxygen from my lungs

pulsating capillaries

so pure in his skin

grasp his hands and hold for warmth

fingernails I want to bite, gently

kiss his cheekbone, sweetly

hold his chest closely to mine until there is no room for

error

and love him

until he, too

feels the ache.

natural cruelty

 

failure

is a hooded figure waiting

after running three hundred miles

approach the finish line with expectant relief

failure grasps your hand without warning

scolds you

how dare you assume you were guaranteed?

then proceeds to push you back

to run the race again

i wish i never met you

it took months to figure you out

beyond the rain and after the drought

 

I felt my pocket empty

in it when I reached

nothing but remains of your cliches

 

always took what you could

things I could not replace

you inhaled my space

drank my health

sank your teeth

sucked my wealth

 

these days i stumble upon you

by memory

i fight back

resisting charm

slow fast heartbeats

and i turn around