I am still here
Many many years are on top of this chest
Since I first laid down on this side of the bed
Once again existing at 3 am
So sober as the ghost train echos
Hearing the haunting cries of steel shaking
Breaking up the cold air and deadened night
From this warm safe room
It tastes like hopelessness
And a sly sense of humour
There is no owl in the window this time
Only the same memories with new injuries
Tragedy has come and gone and
I am still here
pure
Unadulterated panic
Born of my Brain and my
Body
I have been asleep for days
And also blindingly awake
I’ve been stuck in a mayhem of reality
And fiction
The fiction is what I want life to be
Reality is eating me from the outside in and back
Again
But when i need to awaken from this numb slumber of human denial
Pain isn’t obvious
I ferociously stand at the foot of my bed,
The frame of the doorway,
The pantry in the dark,
And pace in the quiet gloom of first world terror midst an entire worlds’ nightmare
I need to be pinched so I pour a drink
Sanity is more performing than ever
good morning
its high time
that we get together
my day is cleared
I hope you’ll show
I have everything waiting here
breakfast and whiskey
mating season
sex
have I really learned anything
after all of this time
spent in purgatory
with intentions of holding off on pleasing things
until I felt I was worthy
for it only seems to be
that I learned nothing
and missed out on everything
I miss you and I have never met you
reach out and touch me
through wave lengths
between here and there
and everything in between
we connect
we share
we care
but I do not yet know you
brittle gum 