I miss you all so much but I’m also glad you’re gone

I am still here

Many many years are on top of this chest

Since I first laid down on this side of the bed

Once again existing at 3 am

So sober as the ghost train echos

Hearing the haunting cries of steel shaking

Breaking up the cold air and deadened night

From this warm safe room

It tastes like hopelessness

And a sly sense of humour

There is no owl in the window this time

Only the same memories with new injuries

Tragedy has come and gone and

I am still here

sweet-head

 

magic laugh

inflammatory thoughts speeding through the

frontal

cortex

wet and heavy

lips protrude and tingle

eyes flit, palpitating,

gasping heart

it hurts.

this beauty is not mundane, daily life

his lashes are dizzy

whap oxygen from my lungs

pulsating capillaries

so pure in his skin

grasp his hands and hold for warmth

fingernails I want to bite, gently

kiss his cheekbone, sweetly

hold his chest closely to mine until there is no room for

error

and love him

until he, too

feels the ache.

natural cruelty

 

failure

is a hooded figure waiting

after running three hundred miles

approach the finish line with expectant relief

failure grasps your hand without warning

scolds you

how dare you assume you were guaranteed?

then proceeds to push you back

to run the race again