I am still here
Many many years are on top of this chest
Since I first laid down on this side of the bed
Once again existing at 3 am
So sober as the ghost train echos
Hearing the haunting cries of steel shaking
Breaking up the cold air and deadened night
From this warm safe room
It tastes like hopelessness
And a sly sense of humour
There is no owl in the window this time
Only the same memories with new injuries
Tragedy has come and gone and
I am still here
have I really learned anything
after all of this time
spent in purgatory
with intentions of holding off on pleasing things
until I felt I was worthy
for it only seems to be
that I learned nothing
and missed out on everything
I miss you and I have never met you
reach out and touch me
through wave lengths
between here and there
and everything in between
we connect
we share
we care
but I do not yet know you
again and again
I revisit this place
it is familiar in every way
the touch of the wooded floors and furniture
the scent of metal
taste of chemical
dark light covers me
shaded thoughts ravage me
it is a war between what could be and what may be inevitable
so
I might as well
settle down
sink into a soft red couch
exhale the smoke
accept this life
my life
failure
is a hooded figure waiting
after running three hundred miles
approach the finish line with expectant relief
failure grasps your hand without warning
scolds you
how dare you assume you were guaranteed?
then proceeds to push you back
to run the race again
brittle gum 