I miss you all so much but I’m also glad you’re gone

I am still here

Many many years are on top of this chest

Since I first laid down on this side of the bed

Once again existing at 3 am

So sober as the ghost train echos

Hearing the haunting cries of steel shaking

Breaking up the cold air and deadened night

From this warm safe room

It tastes like hopelessness

And a sly sense of humour

There is no owl in the window this time

Only the same memories with new injuries

Tragedy has come and gone and

I am still here

natural cruelty

 

failure

is a hooded figure waiting

after running three hundred miles

approach the finish line with expectant relief

failure grasps your hand without warning

scolds you

how dare you assume you were guaranteed?

then proceeds to push you back

to run the race again

i wish i never met you

it took months to figure you out

beyond the rain and after the drought

 

I felt my pocket empty

in it when I reached

nothing but remains of your cliches

 

always took what you could

things I could not replace

you inhaled my space

drank my health

sank your teeth

sucked my wealth

 

these days i stumble upon you

by memory

i fight back

resisting charm

slow fast heartbeats

and i turn around

 

screaming

frustration

clawing

forgetting

sweating

unsure

misused & abused

loitering in ones’ own conscience

 

biting irony

sex is always on the table

when you’re making pretty sense

lay back down

calm

warmth

dread

 

dream deeply now