I am still here
Many many years are on top of this chest
Since I first laid down on this side of the bed
Once again existing at 3 am
So sober as the ghost train echos
Hearing the haunting cries of steel shaking
Breaking up the cold air and deadened night
From this warm safe room
It tastes like hopelessness
And a sly sense of humour
There is no owl in the window this time
Only the same memories with new injuries
Tragedy has come and gone and
I am still here
pure
Unadulterated panic
Born of my Brain and my
Body
I have been asleep for days
And also blindingly awake
I’ve been stuck in a mayhem of reality
And fiction
The fiction is what I want life to be
Reality is eating me from the outside in and back
Again
But when i need to awaken from this numb slumber of human denial
Pain isn’t obvious
I ferociously stand at the foot of my bed,
The frame of the doorway,
The pantry in the dark,
And pace in the quiet gloom of first world terror midst an entire worlds’ nightmare
I need to be pinched so I pour a drink
Sanity is more performing than ever
failure
is a hooded figure waiting
after running three hundred miles
approach the finish line with expectant relief
failure grasps your hand without warning
scolds you
how dare you assume you were guaranteed?
then proceeds to push you back
to run the race again
tell me what I want to hear
and dress it up in bows
tell me what I want to hear
things no one else would know
tell me I can do no wrong
and fill me up with pride
tell me why this world is flawed
let that one wrong slide
tell me what I want to hear
I’ll rid the waste with no appeal
eat four square meal
brand the cow
and walk the dog
slay the hog
if you would only just tell me
what I want to hear
please hurry
I am in such haste
the cows are coming home
we’ve got empty dinner plates
Sally’s teeth are falling out
and Benny’s cheques are bouncing
Timmy has run out of pills
bedridden Mother so demanding
so
tell me
tell me
tell me
please
if you want to save yourself
and everyone you love
you will tell me what I want to fucking hear
and all of the above
brittle gum 