have I really learned anything
after all of this time
spent in purgatory
with intentions of holding off on pleasing things
until I felt I was worthy
for it only seems to be
that I learned nothing
and missed out on everything
I’m a creep for you
I miss you and I have never met you
reach out and touch me
through wave lengths
between here and there
and everything in between
we connect
we share
we care
but I do not yet know you
the ugliness I embrace
again and again
I revisit this place
it is familiar in every way
the touch of the wooded floors and furniture
the scent of metal
taste of chemical
dark light covers me
shaded thoughts ravage me
it is a war between what could be and what may be inevitable
so
I might as well
settle down
sink into a soft red couch
exhale the smoke
accept this life
my life
sweet-head
magic laugh
inflammatory thoughts speeding through the
frontal
cortex
wet and heavy
lips protrude and tingle
eyes flit, palpitating,
gasping heart
it hurts.
this beauty is not mundane, daily life
his lashes are dizzy
whap oxygen from my lungs
pulsating capillaries
so pure in his skin
grasp his hands and hold for warmth
fingernails I want to bite, gently
kiss his cheekbone, sweetly
hold his chest closely to mine until there is no room for
error
and love him
until he, too
feels the ache.
natural cruelty
failure
is a hooded figure waiting
after running three hundred miles
approach the finish line with expectant relief
failure grasps your hand without warning
scolds you
how dare you assume you were guaranteed?
then proceeds to push you back
to run the race again
brittle gum 