draw strings

night is when i relax

when i think up all of the good thoughts

relentlessly, and unabashedly

it is at night

when i am able to be real

when i am able to use unsavory wording

when i am able to show a risque photo of me

only to

delete it all by morning

screaming

frustration

clawing

forgetting

sweating

unsure

misused & abused

loitering in ones’ own conscience

 

biting irony

sex is always on the table

when you’re making pretty sense

lay back down

calm

warmth

dread

 

dream deeply now

what is appropriate

what is appropriate to write

on a blog

that you feel obliged

to write appropriately

such as

properly structured poetry and poise

 

I just want to say

that I am unbalanced

and that

I  don’t feel like getting  my hands dirty right now

with making art

so instead I make my mind dirty

writing the visceral moments from which tainted thoughts protrude rudely

Eroding from the ground up.

Quintessential

barbed wires intertwine around my ankle

 

I try to pull away and such but

fruitlessness is evident

 

It seems as though I am caught

in this frightening trap

 

Time is the only friend I have left

that will tell me when it ends

 

Only then relief will kiss my feet

only then rest and slumber deep

tell me what

tell me what I want to hear

and dress it up in bows

tell me what I want to hear

things no one else would know

tell me I can do no wrong

and fill me up with pride

tell me why this world is flawed

let that one wrong slide

 

tell me what I want to hear

I’ll rid the waste with no appeal

eat four square meal

brand the cow

and walk the dog

slay the hog

if you would only just tell me

what I want to hear

 

please hurry

I am in such haste

the cows are coming home

we’ve got empty dinner plates

Sally’s teeth are falling out

and Benny’s cheques are bouncing

Timmy has run out of pills

bedridden Mother so demanding

so

 

tell me

tell me

tell me

please

 

if you want to save yourself

and everyone you love

you will tell me what I want to fucking hear

and all of the above