Pure

pure

Unadulterated panic

Born of my Brain and my

Body

I have been asleep for days

And also blindingly awake

I’ve been stuck in a mayhem of reality

And fiction

The fiction is what I want life to be

Reality is eating me from the outside in and back

Again

But when i need to awaken from this numb slumber of human denial

Pain isn’t obvious

I ferociously stand at the foot of my bed,

The frame of the doorway,

The pantry in the dark,

And pace in the quiet gloom of first world terror midst an entire worlds’ nightmare

I need to be pinched so I pour a drink

Sanity is more performing than ever

the ugliness I embrace

again and again

I revisit this place

it is familiar in every way

the touch of the wooded floors and furniture

the scent of metal

taste of chemical

dark light covers me

shaded thoughts ravage me

it is a war between what could be and what may be inevitable

so

I might as well

settle down

sink into a soft red couch

exhale the smoke

accept this life

my life